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Röyksopp´s Top 5 “Leave It To The Pros”:

1st April, 2009

Cunning list, huh? Ok, let me explain what we´ve done here. This is a Top 5 where we merely suggest that certain domains ought to be reserved & left alone for the experts among us. We have for obvious reasons chosen to leave out the most apparent “Leave It To The Pros” people & scenarios – as we all know it is best to leave brain surgery in the capable hands of a doctor and let teachers do the tutoring etc. In this list we´ve rather focused on things & concepts that might appear to be simple to master, but really they aren´t. Tag along and explore…

5. Pillowfights (as foreplay) – “Fun for 5 seconds (just enough time to get in one punch each) then the novelty wears off. Only works in movies – ´cause getting a few kilos of goose-feathers in your nose isn´t really sexy nor fun, now is it? Although the idea of a pillowfight between two playful lovers might seem attractive, it doesn´t really work in real life. We say leave it to the pros, namely actors in Romcoms & other places of make believe.”

4. Stardom – “Without being too prejudice, we believe the world has seen enough of common man´s attempt at portraying himself as famous. Ok, before you start sending us hate-mail, know this: we do not consider ourselves famous. When we now discuss stardom, we´re talking the Michael Jackson, Elton John, Madonna-league. So, with that in mind, please hear us out. We believe the celebrity/diva-behavior ought to be reserved for those who live it and can afford it, and shouldn´t be tempered with by us mortal beings. Here´s the deal: you don´t become a celebrity because you put on some shades & a tan. Let the pros have their accessory dogs & debauchery – they will always deliver and beat you in terms of ecxess & eccentricity.”

3. Beatboxing – “A classic example of self deception. The way we all experience sounds (in our own heads) created with our own mouths, is different to how our surroundings experience them. Remember the first time you heard your voice on tape? Exactly. So back to beatboxing. What you believe is your perfect rendition of Rahzel or a “phatt beat” is very likely to sound more like the glottal spittings of a man choking on potatoes to the rest of us. We´ll be blunt: You´re either it, or simply s#!t – there´s nothing in between, leave it to pros.”

2. Wine expertise – “The non-pro connoisseur comes in two forms: Those who think they´re experts, and those who pretend to be experts, but know they´re just faking. Just because you´ve read the label on the back of a wine bottle and picked up a few lines on the subject, you´re not really an expert. So instead of preaching the little information you might have on wine, we suggest you do like the rest of us – don´t talk about it, but simply enjoy the wine. Drink up and talk about something else. It can be both annoying & embarasing to sit next to someone who claims & sees himself as being a wine-connoisseur – with all the talk about the taste of soil, the hint of tobacco, elements of licorice etc. Especially considering that cheating in wine expertise is also quite easy. As far as wine flavors go, only your imagination sets the limits. It´s a bit like the “Emperor´s new clothes” really. Nobody wants to challenge the “master” and come across a the inept ignoramus. “There´s an aftertaste of bat-piss, you say? Oh yes… you´re absolutely right!” The impostor is free to roam. Deliberately or not. Knowing or not. Since practically nobody bothers to read up on wine flavors, the likelihood of being unmasked as fake, is slim.”

1. Racial jokes – “A true minefield. Even writing it makes me tremble. There are many people out there who see themselves as funny people, people with a sense of humor. Some of them might even have a liking for telling sinister and dark jokes with hints of ethnic slur. The wise amongst them tell their jokes in small circuits amongst friends, whom might laugh ´cause they know you, and know that you don´t have fascist sympathies. But taking the material out to strangers can be hazardous. One minor slip-up and you´ll look like an utmost disrespectful moron. We say leave it to true comedy geniuses like Ricky Gervais or Eddie Murphy – in his “Raw/Delirious”-period, mind”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1084080972&ref=profile Erosiccu

    HAHAHAHAHAHA HOW WONDERFULLY TRUEEE
    Beatboxing and pillow fights are sooo better off left to the pros
    they
    they all..can just go so wrong…

  • mini

    I just read that you’re coming to Ljubljana, Slovenia in the summer, but there’s no date on your upcoming events! Please tell me you really are coming! I’ve been smiling all day at the prospect of seeing you live!

    • http://royksopp.com Svein

      Hi Mini – I believe we´re coming on the 14th of June – see you there! xS

  • eple

    nice again! look fwd to 12 July!!! see U there!

  • Raz

    I’m still waiting to see you live…it’s been a few years already. Any plans of coming to Romania in the future? 🙂

  • Sae Dam

    oh wow Svein! 😀

  • Happy Leno

    Hahaha nice.
    I’m very bad at beatboxing so I can relate to this!

  • Andre

    HAHAHAHA love your unique and eccentric “top 5s” !
    could never think about something like that!
    have to say that I’m a big fan of yours,do you have any plans of comming to Brazil?

  • pilly01

    why aren’t you coming to austria??

  • andra

    True, true about the wonderful sport of pillow-fighting. Except that it’s usually the female players who suffer the most injuries. Because boys usually get blinded by their own poisonous testosterone, and tend to forget whom they are “fighting” with, and what the “prize” that is to be won at the end of the match is…. (No, it’s not a boxing title!) So when the last goose feathers have settled on the ground, we will most probably find the woman stretched out on the floor, bruised and bewildered, or possibly, even unconscious….hardly the appropriate setting for a romantic evening! So, yes, pillow-fighting should be left up to the pros, and should only be carried out in a controlled and carefully monitored environment, where the toxic testosterone is well beneath its normal parameters.
    Oh, and guys… don’t sell yourselves short! Of course you are stars: “If I am the sky, then you are my star[s]” :))

  • andra

    And you know… you can feel free to reply… anytime… anytime really! You won’t dent my light, I promise!

  • http://jean-guilhemstietelonfacebook Gottfried

    Stop blaming yourself when you say stardom is not for you
    your music is the best thing I ever ever heard.
    It just takes some time for people
    to really fully understand and appreciate it.

  • http://last.fm/user/wlodi włodi

    This is the best Top 5 so far, guys! I’m glad to know you also enjoy Ricky Gervais stuff… isn’t he genius?

  • I live The Understanding

    Veary interesting list guys…I woud say yes to this list most definetly

  • jennsea

    2. Wine expertise… lol.. made me think of this .. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=sideways

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Laflin/6813841 elaflin

    Gentlemen,

    Please please please come to Los Angeles! What do I have to do to get you here?! Come in the summer and chill by the pool with us!! Free beer? 😛

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Laflin/6813841 elaflin

    PS great top 5!

    -Emily

  • sandra_teixeira

    I totally agree!!!! Can’t wait to see you guys this week in rotterdam! Can you believe that the weather is great in the Netherlands lately????

  • Persis

    Just coming back home from the concert & want to thank you for an awesome evening. My ears are ringing like crazy & I know that I’ll be a bleary-eyed drooling zombie at work today, but it was well worth the 2.5 hour trip to Berlin; because you, Sirs, clearly rock.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/mrs_spenalzo Persis

    Aaaand because I forgot to comment on your top 5: Pillowfights suck, especially when the guy’s wristwatch decides to lock with your cool, but obviously not pillowfight-compatible necklace, resulting in bruises on your throat and a sprained pinkie for the whimpering boyfriend.
    We’re not a couple anymore, but I still like to call him the “Hamburg strangler”.

  • agata m

    Oh yes, yes, yes! Last night’s Berlin concert was awesome! Rotterdam, be prepared for at least 3 encores (sic!)! I’m so glad I’m gonna see another concert of yours in Cracow!

    And the list is as cool as ever. Only aren’t racial jokes a bit too obvious for Place no 1?

  • http://paradoxdgn.com Paradox

    Too true.

  • Alexander

    Come on.
    Why doesn’t anybody disagree.
    Sorry Röyksopp, but this list stinks.
    Don’t let anything to the pros.
    Long live amateurism.

  • Senor A

    Top 5 Reason’s Röyksopp should come to Seattle (and hang with me and my girlfriend):

    5) Seattle’s weather is almost as bad as Bergen’s so you’d feel right at home…(hell, Seattle and Bergen are sister cities)…

    4) My girlfriend is from Norway so if you’re dieing to have a conversation in you’re native tongue (besides with each other) you could make jokes at my expense and have a good laugh.

    3) I keep my liquor cabinet full

    2) We live in a condo with exceptional views of the city skyline (also viewable from my Jacuzzi)

    1) You have more fans here per capita than most north American cities…

    So….we can expect you guys sometime this summer, right? 😉

  • mariah306

    I’ve heard plenty of racial jokes that ended in a good laugh. As long as it doesn’t become excessive, it’s funny. I agree with the pillowfights though. That doesn’t seem appealing at all. haha

  • andra

    Well, senor A, you had me at “jacuzzi”! :))

  • drappy

    Hey Royksopp! I love your music, and I wonder if you’ll ever come to Serbia? You have lots of fans there too, and we are dying to see you in Belgrade on some concert or in EXIT festivale in Novi Sad! BTW, Junior is great!!!:D

  • http://myspace.com/beauxdatious katuroo

    I would disagree on PILLOW FIGHTS – when i was younger, my sister and i would use our wimpy pillows against my older brother’s large corduroy pillow… called “The Bonch-a-boom” 🙂 and we would do this weekly for many minutes a time. I think it would work with lovers… I don’t know for sure; as I don’t have a lover. :S

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  • http://www.tshirtinsight.com/ MartinAW

    Haha, like it. Tottaly agree with beatboxing in particular!!

  • http://www.pinupforpeace.com face

    speaking of ‘leaving it to the pros’ I didn’t and made a rap remix of ‘vision one’
    check it out at http://www.imeem.com/rockface/music/BwdeXotB/face-royksopp-vision-one-rap-remix/

  • http://www.thorson.de pastymorant

    you guys are the ‘bees knees’… fantastisk…

  • http://twitter.com/orkestar_ mstrdn3l

    Come to México my dears!!

  • http://ninjaturtlepirate.com CitizenSugaKane

    This is so funny. I’m glad you guys are doing these posts because they always make me laugh.

  • nv023111

    Hello!
    Congratulations for your music that, very recently, I had discovered your so much creativity and melody, so surprised I was, didn’t thought it was possible after so many years of 90’s. “Happy up here” (many times in radio, known for portuguese people that seem somewaht confused thinking it is OGMT…), “This must be it” (so so beautiful, congratulations for the voice, so well applied, its rythm, my preferred one, had listen so many times in “Antena3” radio in Portugal), “Röysopp forever” (so beautiful), “The girl and the robot” (very energetic).
    You should come to Portugal and play for us, please do not forget the north of Portugal, Porto city.
    Hope to see you here very soon!
    Congratulations again.
    Best Regards

  • kwhittier

    I’ve said it elsewhere already, but it’s worth repeating…

    Thank you for making me feel such joy and sadness with such beauty.

    I hope we can see you in North America soon!

    Much love,
    Kendra

  • jrstone2000

    Hello,
    Do you guys have any plans to come to the US for your tour? If I have to I’ll hop on a flight to Europe to catch a show, but it would be great if you had a chance to swing through.
    James

  • Leah

    Love love love you!!!!!!!
    I’m coming to Europe next year and hoping so very much to see you!

  • KennyH

    Hey……..seems a popular request, but any ideas of when you guys will be in Scotland? Last time was 7/10/05 (way too long!) and the Glasgow Carling was packed!…………what a great night!!

  • umangpatel

    Absolutely agree with the fellow Americans…please come to the states and have a few shows here!

  • http://mirja.blogg.no Mirja

    … and again… Fucking masterly!!!!

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